Otto Update...
Hey Everyone,
So I'm in a bad place and see no reason to continue. I live in constant agonizing pain. I go hungry every month. I worry about going homeless and looks like that what's about to happen. The VA isn't even taking claims right now and are two years behind on the current claims so my chances of getting out of this spiral of misery and poverty are nonexistent. I'm tired of feeling, and being a drain on my friends. Always needing help financially, physically and mentally. I'm tired of hearing about Veterans programs and organizations that help....only to have to jump through hoops...to find out they don't. They are all scams. There is no hope. It's the reason there are 22 veteran suicides a day. It's the reason the streets are full of homeless veterans. It's one of the reasons for addiction problems with veterans. Reality is they want us dead...because it's cheaper. Both parties. And the way this crap system is set up is to deliver that result. There is no hope. The only reason I've lasted this long is because of you all. But I've reached my limit. There is no joy left in my life. Only suffering.
So I'll give you all this opportunity to convince me otherwise. What purpose is there for me to fight on? What good am I doing in the world that's worth continuing? Please post them(if there are any) in the comments below. Otherwise my plan is to say my good byes and maybe throw one last party...a pre-death wake, and then end it.
-Otto Von Danger
SGT/USMC and Artist at Large
Semper Fidelis
I hope that you get that ray of Sunshine that you so desperately need soon. I will do anything I can to help but I won't be attending your "Going Away" party. I enjoyed visiting you yesterday and hope to come back soon, but not to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteWhat's sunshine?
DeleteIt was great seeing you as always. I don't get many visitors.
DeleteHey Brother
DeleteWe are all here for you..hang strong..never give up.
I have been where you are.
One minute at a time
Stay strong Otto, we love you brother!
DeleteHey, Otto, don't think We know each other, but We have many mutual Friends on twitter. I'm Mother of OIF Veteran, & I CARE. Please KNOW You have a LOT of Support. Don't be deceived by thoughts that no one Cares about YOU. Those thoughts are LIES. & YOU are about TRUTH. Hang in here.. I've seen how many others Care that YOU are HERE. BELIEVE it. Sending Strength & PEACE to You right now.
DeleteBeen watching from afar by Gunny. Been sending you good blessings through him. Keep the faith Otto. Lots of us are pulling for you.
DeleteIGY6
S/F
Don't give up on yourself Brother, none of us have given up on you. I have spoken with you so many times, and am looking forward to the day we can meet face to face.
ReplyDeleteI've never given up on myself. I've done the "impossible" many times. I've given up on a system that seems intent to make my life a living hell or kill me.
DeleteIt would have been great to meet you in person. You're a good man.
Otto, I know life sucks right now and you know I understand chronic pain but being here beats the alternative 😢 please just give it time, if it doesn't work out I'll personally stab ya in the neck, (kidding), the world is a better place with you in it we love ya Otto Maria and Fatboy
ReplyDeleteThe Alternative looks much better from my point of view. This is me giving it time. Give Fatboy some scratches for me.
DeleteHey Brother,
ReplyDeleteHave you seen the book The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse? It has help a lot of vets and folks needing a bit of a bump.
I can send you copy.
No and a book isn't going to make me any better. A working VA would. A nation that gave a fuck would. A government NOT trying to make my life a living hell so I want to kill myself would.
DeleteHang in there Otto. We love you, man.
ReplyDeleteThanks, but hanging in there is awaiting homelessness and a cold lonely death on the streets anyways.
DeleteAnd Reality Check...If I don't come up with another $500 in one day I'll be three months behind(including the two months Swords to Plowshares promised to pay and didn't). And that just rent and bills....no food...no meds...no anything.
ReplyDeleteI talked to Swords to Plowshares again today. They are still saying they don't have my rental agreement from my Landlords but when I asked my landlords(twice) they said they'd mailed it(over a month ago). I chewed Swords out and they promised they'd get it resolved soon....I'm not holding my breath. I have no confidence in them at this point.
ReplyDeleteIt's almost like they want to keep you on that hamster wheel until you give up. Is there anyone who can be an advocate and cut through the damned red tape?
DeletePulling for you Otto. Others are too. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're not alone. Don't stop posting, brother. Breathe, man.
ReplyDeleteSo I've heard folks are having problems using the comments on this blog. I have no clue what is causing that but here's my Email for those that can't and want to contact me : ottoewen@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteI know you don't know; and I'm not a vet, so I can't understand your situation as clearly as you do...
ReplyDeleteBut I've been in that same hole you're now. I threw away my career over a stupid decision, lost my house, scraped for months while putting myself in enormous credit card debt that I still haven't paid off. Age 40 and I still hadn't found someone to share my life with and figured I'd die alone. The levels of hopelessness and despair were seemingly insurmountable.
But I had people who cared about me; even as I dug the hole deeper. And, eventually, faint glimmers of light appeared. It took years, and I'm still not out of that pit; but during that time I met someone who I realized I truly loved and married them.
There's light out there for you too... it can just be really hard to see when you've been in the dark for so long.
I have Gulf War Syndrome and have massive nerve damage through out my body. To the level that puts a tooth ache to shame. Every part of my body...some parts worse than others. This isn't about just depression...I can't walk...I can't just go some where else and start a new life(I've done that plenty and it's not hard if you're able bodied). I can't work and I can't go out. I can't even drive. It's too painful. So I'm not going to "meet" someone to grow old with. as I don't go anywhere. Sex hurts anyways so not on my agenda. All I'm looking for is to be able to live in my shitty apartment in the Ghetto and be able to eat. But that's not in the cards..so I have to constantly ask for help to barley stay afloat. Most people that got what I have killed themselves due to the pain. The rest died of massive organ failure as their bodies just quit. There is less than 500 of us(and that was 3 years ago) left out of 110,000.
DeleteSo I appreciate your effort but you are way off the mark....I'm not just some dude down on his luck.
As I said, my experiences can't even begin to compare to yours; but just know that there are folks pulling for you. We need more good people in the world. I can't know your pain, but I can and will root for you however I can. And I am truly glad that some things are turning towards the better.
DeleteI have no effective assistance to give. I hope you find a way to keep fighting until you get the assistance you need. Remember, every has a boss and you can push up the chain. It you can come in from your Congress Rep....
ReplyDeleteI've called my Rep Barbra Lee 4 times and Emailed 7....not one response. This government HATES us veterans and wants us to die. That's why the created this system that doesn't work.
DeleteHey, bro. I have been exactly where you are currently at and, believe it or not, it does get better. It doesn't happen over night, it's a daily grind that is so worth it. The thing I can promise you is that if you let me, I will help you in any way I can. Hit me up on twitter @BrandonTxNeely and I will give you my number so we can talk. Just so you know, I am not bullshitting. You can google my name, Brandon Neely, along with PTSD. Stay strong, brother.
ReplyDeleteI'm banned from Twitler for being anti-Nazi.
DeleteHey brother it's been a while. Sorry the system is still screwing you. I'm around if you ever need to chat.
ReplyDeleteYup...nothing has changed Devil Dog...hurry of and wait. Stand by to stand by we might have a maybe.
DeleteHey Otto, Would love to help you with the VA from DC. Elizabeth @Elizmanresa
ReplyDeleteHow can you help?
DeleteI recently saw a guy on Twitter report that he finally got his VA disability claim approved after a two-year battle.
ReplyDeleteI trust you're not fighting this battle alone and that you have a service officer from a local VSA, American Legion or VFW who is helping you out.
Hang in there. Don't give up hope!
Yeah it's a nightmare. I'm at 90 rating service connected. The difference between 90 and 100 is 50%. My monthly would be enough to take care of myself...where now I can't afford rent without a room mate.
DeleteOtto, to which VA health care system are you assigned? I'm attached to VA Palo Alto. I can see if I can get someone from there to help you
ReplyDeleteOakland
DeleteJust wanted to pop in and say good night, I hope tomorrow will be better my friend...Mr fatboy says thanks for the scratches ❤ I'll touch base with you tomorrow Maria & Fatboy
ReplyDeleteI send the dreaded belly rubs back ;) G'night
DeleteYou know me as Nuke_waste on twitter find me on FB as https://www.facebook.com/tmdill DM welcome
ReplyDeleteI'm banned from both for being against Nazis(they are apparently pro-Nazi)
DeleteHey Otto. I'm new to your blog and just wanted add my words of encouragement from a fellow Marine. Just learned about your situation from GunnyFusterCluck on the twitters. Looking forward to checking out your art.
ReplyDeleteThanks Leatherneck
DeleteHey Otto, Popeye here. Gunny Fustercluck told me about you so I wanted stop by and say hi. I am not a vet so I am not going to pretend I know what you are going through. But I have been severely depressed in times in my life and contemplated ending it all. If you need someone to talk let me know. I am up here in Sacramento. Take care I hope we can talk soon. I do really want to hear what you have to say.
ReplyDelete